Where do i even start? Everything got turned upsidedown when we rescued Vita, the Witch that worked a spell on me the first night I was a Vampire. She answered all our questions and put all the pieces into place as to what the Mages and Witches are trying to accomplish here in Bulgarian. If nothing else i have all the answers now which, to my surprise, didn’t lead to more questions. Everything happening in Sofia right now is reminiscent of how things have always been: dark, brutal, final. Witches and Mages are both gunning for immortality, plain and simple. If Vita is right they’re both a ways from achieving it, Mages more so than Witches.
I don’t know anything about magic, souls, or much else for that matter, but this whole thing has a kind of credibility to it. When I hear what Vita says about what she did and how she went about it, it all just sort of makes sense. A part of me entertained the idea that she was manipulating me (more than the obvious I mean) even though I wanted to believe what she was telling me. We spent some time together while the others slept and I found out that my Disciplines work on her. I felt a little unsettled about the whole experience but I need to prepare for the worst. What happened next completely caught me off guard. The way she responded, the way we moved together, how she’s starting to feel about me and I’m starting to feel about her. . . Julius is right, I’m in way over my head here.
The more I witness the condition of vampirism the more it becomes apparent we’re highly evolved creatures, although after meeting the First I wonder whether it’s by design or natural selection. Everything from the way we feed to the fact that we can become infatuated with blood, a biological (if not outright magical) response guaranteed to capture our interest and inspire us seem to be all the Kindred need to keep the centuries vibrant. It’s no wonder most Kindred are slaves to their passions. After all the centuries they’ve lived, what else is there? What else is there for anyone, for that matter?
As much as I want to resent Vita for what she did I can’t help but feel some kind of wholeness when I’m with her. All the pitfalls so far seem little more than minor inconveniences compared to the perks. Sharing power between us makes us both far more powerful than we ever were alone. We sacrifice some conveniences to rid ourselves of our greatest weaknesses. Once more being around Vita is as easy as breathing and as much as I want to resent her for what she did, every time I let it bubble up within me I’m disarmed by those ethereal eyes of hers and it all just seems to slip through my fingers.
Alexander asked me if I could put her down should she get out of control when we woke her. I told him in confidence I could, I was sure of myself and my loyalty to the family but after just one short night with her I’m starting to question myself. What happens if Alexander decides this is all for not and wants to end things? Could I just let her go? I’m worried the answer is no but it’s only the human part of me that’s nervous. The human part of me is still concerned with things like staying alive and saving face. I think the beast has a more eternal perspective on things and knows that drawing lines and holding onto what’s important is worth risking everything for. I’ve never felt like I do right now. I’ve never felt apart of something bigger than just me, like I was meant to do something extraordinary. Terrible maybe, but extraordinary all the same. If we really are bound by our souls to one another then we’re two halves of the same whole. That’s a pretty devastating realization, and all this for a girl I’ve known for a grand total of 12 hours tops.
Tomorrow marks the end of my first week as one of the Kindred and as one of the Family. In the last week I’ve met an Ancient, fought a pack of Werewolves and animated marble children, bound my soul to a mage to grant her true immortality, started a war with one of the oldest Witch Covenants in the world, and forged an unprecedented alliance between Kindred and Mages. Something tells me eternity will be anything but boring if this first week is any indicator. Ironically I feel like, ever since I became immortal, my life is in far more danger than it ever was when I was alive.
Reading back over what I wrote, I realize it’s almost all about Vita. Maybe that’s true for more than just the worlds on this page. Dear God, what the hell have I gotten myself into?