Another overly interesting night. Scary stories and creatures of legend are becoming as common as street lights, the city streets are painted with their blood and I’m one of the monsters now. I used to loathe the Family’s bloodthirsty ways. I told myself that I was principled, that I would never resort to the brutal tactics of what I viewed to be thugs ruling a city through fear and power. Turns out I was only half right.
Julius told me the Kindred select members of the Family from humans who have certain traits which make them ideal members which is why all of the Clans conform to certain stereotypes. I spent most of my time thinking about the differences between him and me, specifically what sets me apart from the Family. Turns out he was doing the opposite. He saw in me what I saw in him, even though I didn’t want him to. He must have known what I would be like when I was turned and once again Julius proved to me he’s a lot smarter than I ever gave him credit for. Now there’s this thirst that can’t be quenched feeding this new found power flowing in my veins. Instead of being relieved I made it out of the fight with the Wolves alive I’m thinking about the taste of their blood and that I can’t wait for another chance to sink my fangs into one.
There’s something else that came with this new power. I’m not the same person I used to be. It’s like I let an animal loose in my own head and all it wants to do is feed. These urges and instincts are something I’ve never felt before, something so very foreign to me, but they feel so natural… like they are another part of me I never knew was there. I can’t just ignore it.
When I came face to face with the Wolves the human part of me didn’t know what to do. But the animal? The animal knew exactly what to do. It was confident where I was timid, steadfast where I was unsure, and more importantly, when I thought I didn’t stand a chance, it knew we could win. I didn’t know what else to do so I turned it loose. Something inside me snapped when Julius rushed forward and sunk his claws into that monster and I just couldn’t let him stand alone even though I know he’s ten times the fighter I am. There was something surreal about the experience that I can’t get past. I’ve spent most of my life wondering about my place in the world, trying to find something that I could invest myself in. Something that made me feel whole. If this is it, if this is what I was meant to do, then I guess Julius knows me even better than I know myself. Maybe I’ve always been a monster and I just needed Alexander’s blood to accept it.
Strange as it sounds, scrapping with Wolves isn’t what’s been on my mind tonight. I keep thinking back to the club we went to, After Party, and the girl I met there. I didn’t want to drink from anyone, I was still high on Wolf blood and dwelling on ripping one’s throat out so I didn’t want to risk losing control. I can come to terms with the animal in me but there’s a time and place for violence, I can’t let it control my life. Whether it was those ethereal green eyes or the way she so confidently strode up to us, I decided to indulge myself. I’m still trying to piece together what happened after I drank her blood, the words she whispered to me through the cloudy memories I can’t seem to recall, but it’s all just a fog. I can’t stop thinking about her and the fact that whoever was waiting for her that night that shot her and kidnapped her. The man and the animal in my head rarely agree on anything since I was turned but both of them acted in unison when I saw her get taken. I want to find her. I have to find her. I have to know what she did to me. Why she singled me out of the crowd that night. What she is, where she came from. My head hasn’t stopping ringing with questions ever since we got back to the mansion.
I went to find Alexander after everyone else went to sleep, for whatever reason I felt the need to tell him what happened. I wanted him to know and I hoped he could answer my questions but he seemed just as puzzled as I was. Puzzled and something else. Proud, maybe? I’m still not quite to terms with how easy it is for me to trust him or how natural it feels to look to him as a Father figure. I don’t know whether my feelings are from respect and admiration of a great man or the chemical consequences from the blood he fed me my first night as one of his children. I had time while we were talking to put everything together, here’s what I think I know.
We woke up a first and she’s not likely going back to sleep. There are many legends surrounding the Firsts. They say they can walk during the day and that any Kindred that drinks their blood can too. The more powerful the Kindred, the more potent the blood. She probably has an arsenal of supernatural powers, including the ability to seem human and to look like someone else. We know the Witches are interested in the first since they view her as the greatest of their kind. We know they’re trying to keep her away from the Kindred. At the car, the van shot a crossbow bolt and pierced her chest. Julius tells me a wooden stake, or bolt, to the heart is the surefire way to put a Kindred down. I tried to use my “super speed” to get to her but something was holding me back, making it feel like I could barely move my arms and legs, as if some magic force field was stopping me from getting to her. I don’t believe in coincidences and all the evidence points to a single conclusion. I wish I knew why I was caught in the middle of all this.
I only know of one way to test this theory and since I can’t leave this alone I’m going to try. Tomorrow morning I’m going to greet the sunrise and find out once and for all if this girl is who I think she is.